apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
