i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
