he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
