You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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