chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
only if we run a train.
done.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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