Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
