Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
