I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
