i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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