would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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