What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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