Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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