flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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