I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
