i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
