I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
