i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
