Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize