Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
