It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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