It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize