just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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