found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
