you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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