I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
