He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
