Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
