he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
