I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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