I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
