I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
