I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize