I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
