The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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