you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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