I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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