I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
