when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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