you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
