I'm going to jail i love you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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