I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There's even glitter on my cock...
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