I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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