Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How does one acquire holy water?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
