I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize