I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
