I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
