I didn't shave. On purpose
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
