He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
