After last night, I could never be a politician.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
