I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
