well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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