Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
