u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
