i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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