I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
