It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
