shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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