When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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