Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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