The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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