I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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