I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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