do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
