his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
