K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We are two peas in an std pod
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
