normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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