i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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