she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
