i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
