You work out of a Hotel?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
