I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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