i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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