The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
