he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize